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Random Quote
"Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash."
Dr. Joyce Brothers
Josh Billings Quotes
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
Josh Billings

A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.
Josh Billings

A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.
Josh Billings

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
Josh Billings

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight.
Josh Billings

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.
Josh Billings

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
Josh Billings

Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
Josh Billings

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
Josh Billings

Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
Josh Billings

Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
Josh Billings

Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at.
Josh Billings

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
Josh Billings

Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it.
Josh Billings

Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return.
Josh Billings

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Josh Billings

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
Josh Billings

Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.
Josh Billings

Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread.
Josh Billings

I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time.
Josh Billings

I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.
Josh Billings

I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.
Josh Billings

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.
Josh Billings

If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.
Josh Billings

If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety.
Josh Billings

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
Josh Billings

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.
Josh Billings

It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.
Josh Billings

It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit.
Josh Billings

It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.
Josh Billings

It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
Josh Billings

Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.
Josh Billings

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.
Josh Billings

Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.
Josh Billings

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
Josh Billings

Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
Josh Billings

Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.
Josh Billings

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
Josh Billings

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
Josh Billings

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.
Josh Billings

Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
Josh Billings

Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected.
Josh Billings

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.
Josh Billings

One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.
Josh Billings

One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.
Josh Billings

Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.
Josh Billings

Remember the poor, it costs nothing.
Josh Billings

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
Josh Billings

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.
Josh Billings

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.
Josh Billings

The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
Josh Billings

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
Josh Billings

The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm.
Josh Billings

The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.
Josh Billings

The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.
Josh Billings

The trouble with most folks ain't so much their ignorance as knowing so many things that ain't so.
Josh Billings

The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so.
Josh Billings

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.
Josh Billings

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
Josh Billings

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
Josh Billings

There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won t.
Josh Billings

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins.
Josh Billings

There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.
Josh Billings

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
Josh Billings

There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.
Josh Billings

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
Josh Billings

There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.
Josh Billings

Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.
Josh Billings

To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.
Josh Billings

When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.
Josh Billings

Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
Josh Billings

Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.
Josh Billings

Type:
Comedian
Date of Birth:
1818-04-12
Year of Death:
1885
Nationality:
American
 

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