Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Rita Rudner
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
Rita Rudner
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
Rita Rudner
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
Rita Rudner
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
Rita Rudner
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Rita Rudner
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Rita Rudner
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
Rita Rudner
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Rita Rudner
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.
Rita Rudner
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Rita Rudner
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"
Rita Rudner
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Rita Rudner
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
Rita Rudner
To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."
Rita Rudner
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner
|
Type:
Comedian
Date of Birth:
1955-09-17
Year of Death:
Nationality:
American |
