A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
W. C. Fields
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
W. C. Fields
Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
W. C. Fields
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
W. C. Fields
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. Fields
I hear the tusks are looser in Alabama.
W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. Fields
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
W. C. Fields
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
W. C. Fields
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
W. C. Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields
On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
W. C. Fields
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields
Roomservice, Roomservice, don't send up any more ice.
W. C. Fields
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
W. C. Fields
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
Somebody left the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
Stop following me, are you following me? That'll get you twelve years at Leavenworth, or eleven years at twelveworth, or five and ten at Woolworth's.
W. C. Fields
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
W. C. Fields
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. "I'm looking for a loop-hole," he explained.
W. C. Fields
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields
|
Type:
Comedian
Date of Birth:
1880-01-29
Year of Death:
1946
Nationality:
American |
